“Autobiography of a Yogi”
Chapter 1 – My Parents & Early Life
One of the more charming episodes related by Yogananda in respect to his parents is this instructive passage about the relationship of the archetypal patriarch and the archetypal matriarch: justice vs mercy! Here’s the account:
“Mother held an open hand toward the needy. Father was also kindly disposed, but his respect for law and order extended to the budget. One fortnight Mother spent, in feeding the poor, more than Father’s monthly income.
“All I ask, please, is to keep your charities within a reasonable limit.” Even a gentle rebuke from her husband was grievous to Mother. She ordered a hackney carriage, not hinting to the children at any disagreement.
“Good-by; I am going away to my mother’s home.” Ancient ultimatum!
We broke into astounded lamentations. Our maternal uncle arrived opportunely; he whispered to Father some sage counsel, garnered no doubt from the ages. After Father had made a few conciliatory remarks, Mother happily dismissed the cab. Thus ended the only trouble I ever noticed between my parents. But I recall a characteristic discussion.
“Please give me ten rupees for a hapless woman who has just arrived at the house.” Mother’s smile had its own persuasion.
“Why ten rupees? One is enough.” Father added a justification: “When my father and grandparents died suddenly, I had my first taste of poverty. My only breakfast, before walking miles to my school, was a small banana. Later, at the university, I was in such need that I applied to a wealthy judge for aid of one rupee per month. He declined, remarking that even a rupee is important.”
“How bitterly you recall the denial of that rupee!” Mother’s heart had an instant logic. “Do you want this woman also to remember painfully your refusal of ten rupees which she needs urgently?”
“You win!” With the immemorial gesture of vanquished husbands, he opened his wallet. “Here is a ten-rupee note. Give it to her with my good will.”
We see an example of the great drama of life that takes place whether in our own hearts or between people (and often both): reason vs feeling. On the subject of reason and feeling Yogananda would often say that “in men, reason is uppermost and feeling is hidden; in woman, feeling is uppermost and reason is hidden.” We see that view reflected in the account above. But even if his descriptions seem “outdated” by the way we speak and view such matters, we can also turn this inside to see the juxtaposition of reason and feeling as something that takes place in our own minds and hearts.
As this is the Christmas season—the season of giving, and of helping those in need—we find ourselves torn between “what can I afford to give” and “what I would like to give.” Throughout the year, whether as to just causes, support of our spiritual center or church, or the giving of our time to community service, we find the same dynamic struggle. The challenge of balancing our lives between giving and self-care is, at least for people of high energy and compassion, is a very real one.
Call it the “Joy Meter test.” It is more “blessed to give than to receive” because when we share with others willingly we feel greater joy than if we withhold for ourselves. On the other hand if we burn out always giving, giving past the point of fatigue, we may get grumpy, sick, or even disillusioned. Taking a vacation, resting, having some wholesome fun…..these, too, are necessary for remaining creative and positive. I could quote Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita to the same effect! When we have the balance just right, the JOY METER tilts toward the top!
So this is the dynamic spoken of in the episode above: between Yogananda’s father expressing concern for the household budget (symbolic not only of finances but mental health) and his mother’s abiding compassion for those in need. Her somewhat feigned exit at being mildly reprimanded is charming, no doubt, but it reflects the depth of the sensitivity of her feeling nature. If she was being properly rebuked that was hurtful to her as well; yet, her generosity welled up from her giving nature and that is sacred!
Both must be honored. We don’t know what “sage counsel” the maternal uncle (her brother, I suppose) offered to give healing balm to the rift between them, but I imagine it to be something on the order of patience and acceptance and due consideration of his wife’s noble character and goodwill.
This is the lesson for all of us. Some of us err in being too fastidious and exacting with our time, our energy and our material resources; others are heedless, perhaps, to the consequences of over extending themselves. Somehow, however, to have a sustainable life that grows steadily in joy and wisdom, we need to seek the razor’s edge of balance. Yogananda said that the spiritual path is like running down the street while juggling!
Here is a mantra for eternity: for your entire life. It has served me well day in and day out and I have never forgotten it: BOTH-AND! We can both be generous, creative and giving AND find rest and relaxation, recreation and a balanced budget. When we give of ourselves calmly and in a way that reflects a higher, because more expansive, reality, the "universe" responds to meet our needs.
It’s EITHER-OR thinking that creates for us stress and tension. Why? In part because then we are fearful, anxious, and thinking of ourselves. Think about that. When confronted with “I can” or “I can’t” or “I won’t” think, instead, “Yes! I can do both.” You just need to think creatively about how, when, where, and with whom!
As my friend and teacher, and founder of Ananda (Swami Kriyananda) said so often and so well: SAY YES TO LIFE!
Joy to you, friend, and a blessed Christmas!
Swami Hrimananda
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